/// your favorite two weeks

/// we'll shine like gold in the air of summer.
olomouc, amsterdam and memories of bilbao,
your favorite two weeks.///

/// thinking of a way to get you to stay

you left your black gloves on my table

you left your dark horse in the stable

thinking of a way, to get you to stay

and i promise to fight the wind and wait for you...

i'm an owl with tired eyes

i'm a scarecrow in disguise

we often go out pacing

when all i want to do is stay inside and look out the window...

with you. 

/// i would love to love you.

/// magic and dreams and happy accidents and barcelona and running outside casco viejo to your arms

/// could you run into could you run into could you go and run into me? ///

/// birthday party

i was telling a friend about you, when eggboy suddenly played mbv's sometimes. i sang tonight i have to leave it with shirley in front of everyone. it was joy! once more with feeling sang two radio dept. songs and you rained completely in. outerhope played the opening notes of kings of convenience's homesick and the whole room erupted with melancholy. you and me, me and you. it was magic, and my love for you sparkled all over and across the room. 

LOVE!

/// mnl

/// that's what you do here. take pictures in front of fast food establishments! welcome to manila, land of consumerism. choices, choices, choices! glitzy malls, blaring music, crazy people. it makes me dizzy now.

but also: hope dies last t-shirts, slapstick comedy EVERYWHERE, conan o'brian and harry potter, the end of love, favorite foods and favorite friends. and midnight realizations. it still rings true: don't give up your dream! :) ///

/// don't worry baby

listen well. :)

/// angelino

this picture of my little brother makes me laugh EVERYTIME! pag nalungkot ka, tignan mo lang to okay ka na eh. the most winner picture ever. 

i tried writing my paper there, in the middle of luna screaming while watching dora (and eventually throwing up all over the bed and the floor), angelo listening to didn't i see you crying on repeat, and nino watching true horror asian stories on cable and my cousins singing their hearts out on karaoke. while snacking on adobo, c2, coca cola (after 7 days!!!), chocolait and puto. i managed to churn out one funny paragraph, but heck! arwed is a funny guy, he deserves a funny paper.

b said its insane how we (filipinos) have karaoke machines in our own homes. it's mind-blowing for them europeans, because they rarely do it and only on occasions where they are dead-drunk at 4 a.m. haha and here i am, singing songs alone after dinner. heart of glass and eternal flame and eraserheads love. and dancing too. crazy asians.

my father sang a really heart-wrenching wency cornejo song, and at that moment time stood still for me. it was just so surreal. in a beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime kind of way.

and angelo and i sang eraserheads non-stop. hard to believe is so beautiful! and alapaap. and ang huling el bimbo! and sembreak! 

ilang oras pa ba bago tayo ay magkita! ako'y naiinip na! bawat oras binibilang, sabik na masilayan ka. 

good times!

/// this is love!

/// it's beyond me.

what's on my bedroom wall: a big outline of sweden, made out of blue lace. there's a map of stockholm: norrmalm and gamla stan and sodermalm. and a map of the tunnelbana, the green and red and blue lines criss-crossing one another. looking at them now, i realized that they don't mean anything to me anymore. 

what makes my heart leap now: the lines of your face, the way you look at me, your words, your touch.

what's happening now: i'm falling in love with people, instead of places. finding home in a different kind of way.

/// things to do

1. stay out of trouble

2. stay in touch

3. try not to think about him too much

stay out of trouble was number 1 for a good reason. so write that email to your horrible coordinators and organize yourself, angel! 

/// under magritte skies

this is amsterdam, through your eyes.

/// gold in the air of summer

i forgot to give you a little present i saw while unpacking some of my things today. i still have the kinder chocolate egg you gave me: still wrapped, unopened. a surprise, waiting. my clothes are still in my suitcase, my polaroids tucked in between notebooks. i'm still wearing my red plaid dress, the one that matches your vil-lage vil-lage shirt, the one you were wearing too.

i can't believe it was just yesterday. for me now, time does not exist and i am floating in and out between two worlds. and from now on, wherever i may be, there will always be you. 

amsterdam. where do i even start? the lijnbaansgracht, and walking there the first morning and smiling to myself and thinking: it's amazing how people can open up new worlds for us just like that. just like that. looking around me and knowing at that moment that this could be home: bicycles quietly gliding, wide open windows, nee ja stickers, people calmly going about their day. houses where you could see through inside.

waking up, really happy knowing that you're coming soon. the anticipation of waiting. the calm of the city. 

standing in the middle of anne frank's room almost in tears. she said, "i long to ride a bike, dance, whistle and look at the world, feel young and know that i am free." standing there in her cold, yellow room filled with magazine cut outs,  i felt incredibly happy to be alive, and to know that i will be seeing you again in  two hours. something moved inside me. to know that i could pretty much do anything, love freely and be happy. 

seeing you crossing the street from frederiksplein, my orange luggage in hand. room 008, british sea power and lazy afternoons. the cafe de jare and being aragorn predicting the weather, and me always talking about feelings. the rain falling on the amstel, our free drinks and our salads that made us so full we cannot eat the main dish anymore.

making a list of the perfect day. the albert hein under museumplein, the empty vendo machine, craving for chocolate milk, bread and cheese and stroopwafels and strawberry and orange juice.  the rijksmuseum and the skaters on the ice. sitting in front of the nightwatch looking at mystery faces. riding bicycles! the jordaan and dutch pancakes. the vondelpark and the path to a quiet bench and the most beautiful lake. gold in the air of summer.

magritte skies. the victory of finding the pharmacy. skipping the opera for funner things. choosing in between three different places for dinner. chicken satay and hamburgers with fries.  you gave me a pink candy heart with "liebe" written on it. public display of aggression. walking like a monkey, slapstick laughter. sigur ros. the hobbit and the postcard that melted my heart. and everything.

to see the world with new eyes, to know that one can be happy anywhere. it's amazing how people can open up new worlds for us, show us new doors. everything has changed now, and as you said, it can only get better. before it was about living in fear and believing in only one place and one happiness. now. now, i couldn't even grasp where it begins. how do you do it? 

open the door, we have to see what it's for. we're almost there.

how lucky i am. this is more than i have ever imagined, more than i have wished for. a gift.

don't be sad. remember the sheraton. remember "make it happen". think of the future and all the good things that are ahead. believe. as long as you love, nothing can go wrong!

love, so vast! love, the sky cannot contain! love, in stroopwafel tin cans, metro train tickets and mix cds. love, in teary airport goodbyes, in walking after you's and quiet seventeen hour flights. to just reach out and hold you... that is the beauty of life. to be able to feel these things and to know that you understand as well. 

a big emptiness and fullness. an ocean-full of love. here's to you and me! here's to our magritte skies, here's to our amsterdam, here's to the future that awaits us. 

/// airplane

from amsterdam to singapore, for more than twelve hours non-stop, there's only you in my mind. 

/// new eyes

the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

- marcel proust, read in a phoenix interview entitled "sailing the seas"