/// vampyr

(no one wants to take me in)
everyone wants to take you in.

/// i knew we'd see each other again.

stockholm.

















welcome home.

/// last.fm top 30

1. How did you get into 29?
Through Bolywool and Armstrong. I remember it was nearly December when I met Oskar, his songs were perfect for what I was feeling then. (Non Royal Tapes)

2. What was the first song you ever heard by 22?
Dntel? Hmmm Breakfast in Bed, or Last Songs. I don't remember. Both so beautiful.

3. How many albums by 13 do you own?
Bolywool? All I think! Care of dear Calle. :)

4. What is your favorite song by 5?
Untitled 4. Untitled 1. Inní mér syngur vitleysingur. Hoppipolla. Agaetis Byrjun. A lot! (Sigur Ros)

5. What is your favorite song by 15?
Happy New Year. (Camera Obscura)

6. Is there a song by 6 that makes you happy?
Little Light! (Sad Day for Puppets)

7. What is your favorite song by 10?
12:51 (The Strokes)

8. What is a good memory you have involving 30?
Green grass of tunnel is always a good song to make memories to I suppose. (mum)

9. Is there a song by 19 that makes you happy?
A FINE PIECE OF ART, all the time I listen to it. (1969 Armstrong)

10. How many times have you seen 26 live?
None. (The Legends)

11. What is the first song you heard by 23?
Tomorrow, My Friend... (EF)

12. What is your favorite album by 11?
Copia (Eluvium)

13. Who is your favorite member of 1?
Johan (The Radio Dept.)

14. Have you ever seen 14 live?
No (Camera Obscura)

15. What is a good memory involving 27?
Listening to Call It Ours during my 22nd Sweden Love birthday party with friends. (The Legends)

16. What is your favorite song by 16?
You Are The Light (Jens Lekman)

17. What is your favorite album by 18?
Quiet is the New Loud (Kings of Convenience)

18. What is your favorite song by 21?
In Transit (Albert Hammond Jr.)

19. What is the first song you heard by 25?
Maybe: I'm Really Sorry That I Killed You (Loveninjas)

20. What is your favorite album by 2?
THE LIFE PURSUIT!!! (Belle and Sebastian)

21. What is your favorite song by 3?
Tonight I Have To Leave It and Impossible (Shout Out Louds)

22. What is your favorite song by 8?
Do What You Want to Do (Acid House Kings)

23. How many times have you seen 17 live?
None (PBJ)

24. What is the worst song by 12?
I don't know. They sound the same, all of his songs hahaha (Dustin O'Halloran)

25. What was the first song you heard by 28?
Sudden Rush (Erlend Oye)

26. What is your favorite album by 7?
FUTILE CRIMES!!! (The Embassy)

27. What is your favorite song by 24?
Tokyo Witch (Beach House)

28. Is there a song by 9 that makes you happy?
The Black Keys Work (Erlend Oye)

29. What is your favorite album by 4?
Migration (Sambassadeur)

30. How many albums do you own by 20?
One EP right now, because I erased all my songs. (Explosions in the Sky)

/// nikolaus day

happy nikolaus day! christine surprised me with a gift when she came over! <3 <3 <3 a funny little frog belle and sebastian poster! with a milka nikolaus chocolate figure! she said, "i was hoping you don't hate the song now after what happened."

i realized, no. i don't hate the song. it's about love, waiting, living museums and hoping to tell you all about it someday, no reason to hate it just because it's about you.. but breaks my heart a little of course when i hear it. especially "dress up in you". oh, dress up in you.

i still love funny little frog because it's me, and i loved and love and i will love! will you wake up someday? or will it be another living museum for me?

/// are you my lady are you?

View all Göttingen events at Eventful

ako lang yung nagdedemand ng mew sa goettingen. hahaha

timeless talaga!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6RSCstdRiw

/// scarier trailer

blackeburg, stockholm, here i come!

this was the first trailer that i saw, "softer" version:

/// something else

claudia's three main strengths according to her:
1. has an organized and structured mind
2. very dependable
3. has a habit of analyzing and categorizing people and trying to figure out why they act the way they do.

a: haha that's true!
c: yes! i always try to figure out people. and try to pair their personalities to someone else that i know or i have met for example, gretha is like anna. and johanna is like etc. etc.
a: and where do i fit?
c: you? you are something else.

hehehe!

/// paano na?

saan ko na huhugutin?

/// honey

Greencoats - Honey from Tobias Martinsson on Vimeo

ramo's hot!

/// strange things

Today was a pretty day
No disappointments
No expectations on his whereabouts
And oh, did you let him go?
Did it finally show that strange things will happen if you let
them?

Today I didn't even try to hide
You'll stay there and never push things to the side
He can't reach you cause you're way beyond him today

Today was a pretty day
Autumn comes with
These slight surprises where your life might twist and turn
Hope to unlearn
Strange things will happen
If you let them come around and stick around

Today you didn't even try to hide
You'll stay there and never push things to the side
Today you didn't even look to find
Something to put you in that peace of mind
He can't touch you cause I'm way beyond you today

I woke up to Bryan singing to me. It feels different when a song is really sung to YOU and the meaning is really what is happening to your life. And I did it, I stayed here and didn't push things to the side, I didn't flee elsewhere. I woke up, I got up, went outside and bought some antiseptic for my bleeding knee, ate at my favorite restaurant Nudelhaus, bought Christmas presents (for me haha), listened to Shout Out Louds, discovering new truths again hidden in between the lines of Tonight I Have To Leave It, met Christine, cooked pumpkin soup, painted pictures while listening to Belle and Sebastian. We toasted to heartless (and egotistical) swines. When I was leaving, Christine gave me an adventskalender! <3 I was so touched.

Something is changing in me, and I don't know what it is. But it feels good, I feel different, a bit lighter I suppose, than all those months of guessing and waiting and chasing and hoping and dragging myself. Heartless swine.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: ANGRY TED

You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy!! Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last 8 years??? You're just going to regret this. You know that right? YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET THIS. AND NOW THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT IS TOO LATE. All you can do now is go up there and start your CRAPPY DISAPPOINTING LIFE THAT WILL NEVER BE NEARLY AS HAPPY AS THE ONE YOU COULD HAVE HAD WITH ME.

/// sweden is at your side

as long as you love nothing can go wrong.

when the class started, my seatmates mika, simone and carina started chanting angel, angel, angel! and it felt good. carina said, JUST DO IT! GO THERE AND DO IT! and i stood up and said to arwed, i'll go first. and it all just went out of me. sweden sweden sweden and all these things about public diplomacy and nation branding that i didn't even know a few days before and here i am, doing something for the place i love the most and scared out of my wits but standing there, and just... doing it. in the end, only one other classmate asked a question and i answered confidently and arwed only said a few things but no one really criticised me. and at the christmas market, claudia said it was a really good presentation. how i turned something that i really loved into something fitting into an academic paper etc etc and how i know what i wanted and how it was clear. hello si claudia yun e, super perfectionist-critical german!!! haha wow i really needed that encouragement because everything i have been doing here is really unsure and i am unsure of myself and my capabilities and i am just doing task after task after task without really thinking what it is for, what i learn from it, it was going from fear to fear, trying to cross things off but then jumping into another nauseating, horrifying thing to do. not knowing until when i can keep on doing this. waking up to worries.

but there are breaks such as THIS and i want to remember it forever. it was the moment going home alone tonight from the first night of the christmas market at the town square. they had gluwine, i had heise schokolade of course. roasted sugar almonds, leberkase. christmas lights, warm mugs, people huddled in groups. i was screaming AHHH MALIGAYANG PASKO!!! it felt good to be over that IP presentation and to know that i did well. i was biking, standing up, alone on humboltallee, listening to the fleet foxes' tiger mountain peasant song. the moment in the chorus... i just wanted to close my eyes and stay there and be happy. thank you god for this two minutes of peace.

anyway nakarma yung amerikano hahaha tang ina tinanong siya ng mga... 7 tao yata. ang gulo kasi ng presentation niya. and maybe they wanted to get back at her for all her mindless power tripping criticism. HAHA ANO KA NGAYON. ang defensive niya o, tapos bad trip siya pagkatapos. hahaha what goes around comes around, whitey.

tonight's winner: the filipina.

/// tagalog

gusto ko magalit! magalit nalang kaysa yung ganitong laging natatakot, nalulungkot, gigising tapos matatakot. gra-VE! 

kahapon nagskype kami ni ruthie tapos sumigaw nalang ako bigla FUCK YOU SEMINAR!!!!!!!! and it felt so good! haha fuck you talaga, sino bang nagimbento sayo? ano ba value ng pagsasalita sa unahan, ng pagshare ng mga iniisip mo, eh pano kung may mga taong hindi lang talaga ganun, edi kakabahan lang sila tapos hindi na sila matututo kasi kakabahan nalang sila e. itong mga aleman na to, bakit ba gigil na gigil kayo sa pagiging critical sa lahat ng tao bagay ideas. wala ba kayong ibang kailangang gawin? bakit ba ang seryoso niyong lahat?

sa ngayon sa ngayon hindi ko alam kung pano magdedeal sa mga nangyayari sakin ang naisip ko nalang: ONE DAY AT A TIME. ONE TASK AT A TIME. UNTIL I REACH YOU S-V-E-R-I-G-E. ngayon, ngayon, gagawin ko yung IP presentation ko para bukas. sigurado magtatanong na naman yung mga leche kong mga kaklase, para may participation sila, lalo na yung isang amerikana na sobrang negative vibes. sabi ko "o wag kayo magtatanong a". sabi niya smugly "ohhh we'll see about that." hahaha FUCK YOU.

grabe mahal na mahal na mahal ko sweden. grabe mahal na mahal na mahal kita. kinwento na kita sa nanay ko, tapos lagi ka niyang tinatanong sakin, kung sumulat ka na ba o nakarinig na ba ko ng balita sayo. tapos sabi niya, sosorpresahin ka nalang nun! nanay ko yun a! pati mga kaibigan ko, they are all rooting for you. because they love me and they want me to be happy, so kahit gago ka, kahit hindi ka namin maintindihan, umaasa parin kaming lahat sayo.

naisip ko kagabi, hindi ko talaga maintindihan. HINDI KO TALAGA MAINTINDIHAN. ANO BANG TINATAGO MO SAKIN? BAKIT BA ANG HIRAP MONG PANGHAWAKAN? ISANG TAON NA KITANG HINIHINTAY HINAHABOL PINAGBIBIGYAN. MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA. HINDI KO MAINTINDIHAN!!!

sana dumating ka. sana dumating ka. sana dumating ka.

/// second snow hahaha

/// I was following the pack 

all swallowed in their coats 

with scarves of red tied around their throats 

to keep their little heads 

from falling in the snow 

And I turned around and there you go

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal///

/// first snow videow

/// when i saw the first few flakes outside the window,  i jumped off my seat and ran out the wiso library with mikael. first snow! of my life! ///

/// thousands of sparkling stars and galaxies

/// first snow of my life, friday, november 21st. ///

/// first snow

it's snowing.
first snow of my life.
there is hope.

i was at the wiso library with claudia, doing a group paper, when i saw it. i ran outside with mikael.

now i'm in my room, looking out the window. you can see it falling through light of the lamp post, it barely covers the ground with white flakes, but still, it is snow.

tonight, kotbullar and a movie at claudia's place. tomorrow, hopefully more snow. next week, hopefully you. please don't break my heart.

/// DO NOT BE AFRAID.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future..."

/// we are soldiers we have guns - the great depression

we are soldiers we have guns - the great depression from Stereo Test Kit on Vimeo.

3:00

the sun will make it right.
you can make it right.
i sure can make it right.
give me a sign.

0:57
2:05
2:54
2:57
3:04
3:29
3:39

/// pippi

today i had my first run in with the german polizei. i wasn't doing anything wrong. so i stood up for myself! and i'm so proud of myself at that moment because there was no fear at all. just me and the rightness of things. at that moment, my core bravery showed itself. with no effort at all. 

international tv sweetheart slash riot biker girl. "be the trouble that you want to see in the world." pippi longstocking moment! filter that bravery to all the aspects of your life! including oral presentations. JIA YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today also, my DHL care package from my parents finally came. complete joy and melancholy longing. i am surrounded by the comfort (and confidence!) of my own things and the love of my parents. thank you, i miss you, i love you.

clear shampoo, the smell of love. perfect timing, i say.