/// 2009 a musical retrospective

martin made us create playlists in spotify of the things that we have been listening to for 2009. i made it quickly. it was so incredibly nostalgic + intense! so many memories.

///ANGELF///THINK LESS AND SEE IT GROW!///2009///

http://open.spotify.com/user/angelf/playlist/7HzrYB07ZuD0Ds6T9Uaq3S

i arranged it as so:
1-3: top songs are three phoenix songs that i feel encapsulated 2009 for me perfectly (and they also had the most number of plays overall!!! incredible.);
4-6: and then three songs that don't have any time associations with them (i listened to them in equal parts during the whole year);
7-33: and then the rest of the songs are according to the time period when i listened to them (top of the list around january - bottom of the list december). oh wow, 2009. so incredibly happy and so heartbreakingly sad. 

1. phoenix - 1901

i could live forever in 1901. there is a place where guitars chase one another and wouldn't stop, a place where happiness, pure happiness exist. the train to casco viejo and knowing that you're on the other side. falling in love. all of the places that we've been in, and all the places that we will be. i believe.

2. phoenix - lasso

where would you go, where would you go with a lasso? could you run into could you run into could you go and run into me?

3. phoenix - lisztomania

your favorite weekend, when we went to mundaka on a car and found the most beautiful coke beach on earth, a rock concert, residence, and finding foreheads in the rain. electric currents in the air when you don't know what's going to happen next. and then you find out, you're just happy.

4. shout out louds - tonight i have to leave it

5. the radio dept. - pulling our weight

6. the radio dept. - keen on boys

7. cats on fire - higher grounds

8. amiina - rugla

winter in stockholm

9. mgmt - kids

everywhere. control yourself take only what you need from it. dancing in living rooms in germany, dancing in the rain in stockholm, this song follows you everywhere.

10. seabear - libraries

everything starts in libraries.

11. florence valentin - dar jag borde vara

listening to this while writing my IP in deusto's library.

12. jj - my life, my swag

easter in stockholm.

13. chairlift - bruises

bilbao, picnics outside the library. i tried to do handstands for you, but everytime i fell for you. i also think of bilbao's many fruiterias and buying strawberries there. i iced your bruising knees with frozen strawberries. the start, the start.

14. field music - in context

quiet nights in my room in bilbao. watching lord of the rings trilogies and finding light.

15. the shins - australia

follows you everywhere too! ikeas in germany, the subway in stockholm, the summers in bilbao.

16. my bloody valentine - sometimes

electric nights, having a crush and falling asleep to this song. winning tickets to primavera sound in barcelona, thinking of you.

17. the jesus and mary chain - just like honey

always played next to mbv's sometimes.

18. bon iver - skinny love

almost finishing the IP and listening to bon iver outside the library with b. lump sum and finally opening the tea cups, a prize for myself

19. camera obscura - french navy

waking up happy, jumping and dancing to this song. catching the bus to the library. love, i couldn't hold it.

20. kings of convenience - gold in the air of summer

intense, out of mind days and nights in olomouc, until now those days doesn't make sense to me, like a floating dream. maybe we should leave it like that and make it a fuzzy memory. a wink in the doorway when you saw me again, buying sandwiches at the cafe and staying in dorm rooms, take away pizzas, the opera and crying. and then amsterdam, glorious, beautiful amsterdam.

21. bloc party - i still remember

i remember i was about to go to barcelona, we went to a park and just laid on the grass listening to this song.

22. the strokes - barely legal

jukeboxes in olomouc! or was it in bilbao? why do i always think that that jukebox bar was in bilbao?

23. romeo void - never say never

80s parties, last days in bilbao.

24. simon and garfunkel - wednesday morning 3 a.m.

the melancholy of the morning after the 80s party, leaving bilbao.

25. lali puna - faking the books

last days in bilbao with arrate, the beach in plentzia, grasping and remembering memories and struggling to put them all on paper but it was just too much.

26. seabear - arms

our favorite seabear song, manila and thinking of you.

27. wolf parade - fine young cannibals

amsterdam and fryslan. fryslan, the most happiest days ever.

28. alamo race track - happy accidents

empty hotel rooms in prague. amsterdam, the first time.

29. kings of convenience - second to none

stockholm. vienna.

30. beirut - my night with the prostitute from marseilles

vienna.

31. aphex twin - avril 14th

alvik.

32. beach house - norway

oslo.

33. beach house - used to be

the end of the year.


---

and songs that are part of the list too, but not on spotify/ forgot to put them in/ too painful/ etc.

the shins - new slang
- of course. from the beginning at that cafeteria in bilbao until the last day in vienna, this song.

andrew bird - anonanimal
-friends, sweden, sofas and lying on the floor.

camera obscura - swans

camera obscura - honey in the sun

erlend oye - like gold
- summer. you and me, we rest unfold, and melt like gold.

erlend oye - black keys work

omd - talking loud and clear
- bilbao, walking around casco viejo with eveline and finding creperias and this song suddenly playing in the background. a placemarker when things started turning better.

vapnet - snart gar du inte sjlav
- almost crying in the library when i realized all of a sudden that i am doing what i like (writing about sweden and almost finishing my IP) and sitting next to a boy i was falling in love with.

british sea power - open the door
- the train from olomouc to prague, thinking of what will happen. walking around amsterdam alone, waiting for b to come, thinking how incredible everything was: love, new doors opening, seeing the world with new eyes.

the national - apartment story
- stockholm, empty rooms and heart break

vanderslice - kookabura
- kth library, martin sending me this song.

shout out louds - normandie
- your favorite song.

the xx - heart skipped a beat (and EVERYTHING from the xx)
- heart break.

mew - no more stories...
- heart break but knowing that something, something, will save you.

the fairways - klm line
- bilbao library, thinking of the time soon when we will all be leaving the city, and how uncertain everything is, but also how beautiful that all this is happening.

billie the vision and the dancers - summercat
- airport good byes. last days in bilbao. me and arrate singing to it and listening to it over and over. flying to the czech republic.

kings of convenience - homesick
- amsterdam, the hobbit. to find home. you and me. i believe.

/// international space station

Hi, angelf!

ISS will be visible passing at your location -weather permitting- on

December 21, 2009, 05:48:15 CET

Is it a good one?
This time, the International Space Station will be flying over at 12 degrees. It will look like a very bright star (magnitude -0.6).

Where to look?
ISS will come up at the horizon from the south.

Your location
Your Twitter bio says you are here: "Stockholm, Sweden", which Twisst thinks is at these coordinates: 59.332176, 18.062435.

/// then i thought about nothing, that it feels the same

another day, come and gone
don't think i can ever sing that song
little secrets we bring along
i'm taking my time, trailing behind, i thought of you
today is the day i think of you

/// wala na

[ingenting] - dina händer är fulla av blommor from nadazipp on Vimeo.

/// no more stories

No more stories, no more stories, no more stories, no more stories
Are told today, told today, told today, told today
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
They washed away, washed away, washed away, washed away

No more stories, no more stories, no more stories, no more stories
The world is grey, world is grey, world is grey, world is grey
I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired
Let's wash away, wash away, wash away, wash away

/// special + zookeeper's boy

the moment the world exploded. the girl. the giraffe.

/// the comeback

and the past three weeks / were the saddest weeks / and the words you said / oh they made me weak / i'm out of my mind / i'm about to crack / so let's call this the comeback, again / let's call this the comeback

/// is it real? it is.

The Mary Onettes 'Puzzles' from Labrador Records on Vimeo.

it was like this last night, on the top of skinnarviksparken with my best friend. only 100 times more surreal and haunting. felt like another time and place, another world. but the reality is, there ARE places on earth that are like that. beyond your imagination, outside the limits of your mind. and you will suddenly find yourself standing there.

middle-earth is not something beyond... sometimes, just when you turn that corner, it is here and now.

/// Løsrivelse

Separation, 1896. Edvard Munch. Oil on canvas.

/// the kind that lasts forever

If you know me well, you would know what my greatest weakness or fatal flaw is, the one that has something to do with my greatest fear as well.

I want the moment to last forever, and for me there will never be time enough. "Good bye" does not register in my brain and does not exist in my own vocabulary. There are no periods, just long drawn-out ... And firm beliefs, keeping promises and a steadfast core that believes love will win in the end hold it all together. The pen, my camera and my nose are weapons against forgetting, against time. And words, always words. It is a constant struggle, but I don't think there's any other way for me (is there?).

Secretly, I believe there is a way to circumvent the biggest Good Bye, and if you know me well, you would know what that is too.

http://www.thelocal.se/23174/20091110/

/// ask me ask me ask me

/// inspired by something you can just feel.

One voice was raised and sounded strange,
just a thought turned an idea, into something familiar,
it was the whisper of freedom,
that was starting a revolution,
with this spirit as a weapon and unity as a shield.
Yes I am.

The world was first amazed by the sex, drugs and rock & roll,
these people are crazy,
these people are strange,
they didn't understand the power of the claim,
impossible is nothing, was in front of their face.
Yes I am.

An empty canvas land,
is a world without a map,
where air can be shared,
and invisible is fear, like a dog to a child,
ideas will spin, like flowers grow in the field.

It was the dream of a guy that ate flower bulbs to survive,
same reason brought a woman to work from Surinam.
Yes I am.

Lots of no's were said but just one yes remains,
where one - seven - four, just means we are more,
it was for sure,
that no colors stayed pure.
Yes I am.
Oui je suis.
Si io sono.
Sim eu sou.
Si yo soy.
Ja ich bin.
Ja ik ben.

A leaf left the tree and arrived in Amsterdam,
like many hopes of others,
and more and more they will,
inspired by something you can just feel.
Yes I am.


http://gentlegiant.furthermore.nl/#/home/

HTTP://WWW.YESIAMSTERDAM.COM/#/playthefilm/

/// finian

the strands in my peat are gold.

/// the smell of twilight

here and now

the air, the light

has burst into between

where you 

and i

we rest unfold

and melt like gold.

the smell of twilight. i remember this day clearly and i could smell everything and i could feel everything. this was the end and the beginning of things: who knew that i would be completely happy here?

and the grey silhouette of the city in pictures squeeze my heart. the view from artxanda: vast and  golden, the city cradled between the mountains. that white wired bridge where you carried me the nights we went to residence. piggy back rides in the rain. this city is painted with yellow lights, golden rain and foreheads. this city is fog and the space in moyua where you first meet the friends that you will keep for life. this city is the grey afternoons tired from sitting all day in the library, a walk to the subway to get a sandwich, a spontaneous dinner at an empty vegetarian diner with a boy you are falling in love with. a walk home in the rain, towards the metro, passing by a snazzy furniture shop. a humid afternoon and a bocatta sandwich. this city is a trip to barcelona and back, with a boy waiting at casco viejo, ice creams by the river and zombie nights in hotel lobbies. the first touch of our hands. and then things started running faster and you were in the middle of everything.

and then all of a sudden, everyone has left just when you realized that you are having the time of your life. but your best friend is still there. you went to the shire where these pictures are taken, ate potato chips by the sea and promised to become like the old ladies walking along plentzia. to live and grow old together by the sea, all of us. a wish offered to the sea. let's not go yet, i'm still writing. listening to lali puna on repeat, i tried to put everything down in my notebook, only succeeding to write about one day. i try and try but these past months and everything that has happened felt bigger than i am capable of putting down. like pinning down giants. i cannot wield words like i used to. i trip and stumble and drown. i no longer have the power of the last word like corinna stonewall. but maybe that's not true.

but this is me trying. bilbao: dark turning into light, picnics outside the library, a birthday party and blowfish pictures and electric currents in the air, crying inside classrooms because of sad argentinian movies, countless lunch dates at the white cafeteria below the library (the fish! the thin sliced potatoes! the small coke bottles! the chocolate dessert!), the shins and lastfm and "are you judging me?", the dodgy area where you could buy asian stuff, norsk metal night and promises of summer 2010, 80s parties and everlasting, sparkling nights.

and you you you. artxanda and pear ciders. lost trucks and our favorite day by the beach. and now i stumble, now i fall, i can't put words to so many beautiful memories of you.

do i really have to put down everything? why do i feel that it will get lost if i don't? can you hold the memories for me too? can you promise to remember the feeling, in case i forget? will you tell me someday, hold me by the sea and tell me how it feels like to be in bilbao, when everything was running faster and has the smell of twilight? 

tell me that in bilbao, the grey turned into gold. tell me that it is possible, tell me that it happened. tell me how i found you, tell me how i found love.

/// wait.

by Galway Kinnell

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven't they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don't go too early.
You're tired. But everyone's tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

/// b

my heart beats and leaps for you.

/// methodology

Writing also separates us from lived experience and through this separation we are able to reflect on everyday experience. Immersed in the experience, the experience is seamless without reflection. To step back in reflection, the edges begin to be clear, and slowly we began to see what has been nothing more than a sequence of activities.

"Writing decontextualizes thought from practice and yet it returns thought to praxis…. [It] focuses our reflective awareness by disregarding the incidentals and contingencies that constitute the social, physical, and biographic context of a particular situation. But as we gain in this manner a deeper sense of meanings embedded in some isolated aspect of practice we are also being prepared to become more discerning of the meaning of new life experiences." (van Manen, 1990, p. 128)

"Writing objectifies thought into print and yet it subjectifies our understanding of something that truly engages us" (van Manen, 1990, p. 129). For van Manen, "research is writing in that it places consciousness in the position of the possibility of confronting itself, in a self-reflective relation" (p. 129). In phenomenological text, "it lets us see that which shines through, that which tends to hide itself…. To read or write phenomenologically requires that we be sensitively attentive to the silence around the words by means of which we attempt to disclose the deep meaning of the world" (p. 131).

/// Phenomenology as an Educational Research Method by van Manen

http://otal.umd.edu/~paulette/Dissertation/methodology/phenomenology.html

/// turks fruit

/// stars: LOVE

http://www.99matters.de/stars

“I’ve been asked to say what is really important to me, which is either the most brilliant or possibly the stupidest question I’ve ever heard, I’m not really sure. To me the answer is obvious and I can’t believe that anybody would answer the queston differently…”

YES YES YES.

/// phoenix: driving in the night to find coca cola <3

http://www.99matters.de/phoenix/

“If I would be alone here it would be interesting. But there would lack something. It’s like you’re on a beautiful island… alone. What’s the point?”

/// (im)possible (im)possible

meet my new best friends: carl loves ice skating, ted loves jollibee and the rice terraces, adam loves melancholy. :) 

/// (y)our ill wills

i just want to be bothered with real love.

/// the sweetest thing

Edit this setlist | More Camera Obscura setlists

you favorite song and my favorite song as encores.

/// ambivalence

William F. Whyte has observed:

In dealing with subjective material, the interviewer is, of course, not trying to discover the true attitude or sentiment of the informant. He should recognize that ambivalence is a fairly common condition of man - that men can do and hold conflicting sentiments at any given time. Furthermore, men hold varying sentiments according to the situations in which they find themselves. (Whyte: 1980, 117, original emphasis)

-Interpreting Qualitative Data, 107-109

///kings of convenience - second to numb

wish you were here.

early morning, the train. on-board restaurants. the park that is almost like vondel in amsterdam, narnia trees. burger king, singing i'd rather dance with you on the street going to mejeriet. 

the anticipation and nervousness, almost sweaty palms. phone calls, and almost being there. 24-25, you and me. homesick, and our search for home. second to numb, my favorite song, the silent break in the middle of the song and the big drop at the comeback which completely melted my heart. oooh, it happened again, what do you know? love is no big truth. cayman islands without a mic for erlend! dancing with the audience. it's my party and i'll cry if i want to. boat behind, toxic girl, little kids, mrs cold, peacetime resistance, freedom and its owner, renegade and almost all songs from the new album. erlend and his beady eyes, his purple pants and his irresistible dance moves across the stage, the most charming boy alive. eirik at the merchandise booth, telling me to go with the white, the nicest boy alive. :)

the sea in lomma, almost like fryslan.

"wake up to a world that is hollow without love." 

/// THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT: YOUR HELP /// MY WORDS.

This is Marikina, my city. On Sept. 26, Saturday, Marikina and 80% of Metro Manila, the capital of the Philippines, was submerged in water, hit by the worst supertyphoon in four decades. Typhoon Ondoy (International Name: Ketsana) was the nightmare you didn't expect could happen in real life. It was like the end of the world movies, like 28 Days Later or like The Day After Tomorrow, but in real life. In your own city, with people that you actually know, with your loved ones in it.


///HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED:///

CLICK NOW: http://ondoydonation.weebly.com

My friends who have been volunteering everyday since Saturday told me my city is like a ghost town: all mud, piles of garbage and sludge everywhere, no electricity, deserted cars in the highway. Robbery in deserted houses, gunshots in the night, absolute lack of security, poor sanitation in evacuation centers, politicians blocking donations and more horrible things that I wouldn't list down anymore. My city is in a state of calamity, and yes it is that bad. And another supertyphoon (Pepang) is coming tomorrow.

I feel so far away and helpless, yet at the same time, I feel a closeness to everyone else and to a new side of me that I haven't seen before. A rude awakening. I want to make sure that this never happens again to my home. NEVER EVER. People are mobilizing and organizing themselves through Twitter and Facebook. People took out their surfboards and jetskis to help out other people still stranded on rooftops. Civil society became the government. Everything is so raw and so real, in good ways, in terrible ways, and it's not yet over.

I know it's hard to imagine, since there is not much coverage in Swedish or European TV. A friend asked me, "Is it really that bad?" Yes, it is really that bad.


///THE NUMBERS:///


1. Hurricane Katrina (Louisiana) = 380mm of rainfall VS Typhoon Ondoy (Manila) = 410mm of rainfall

2. Twenty-six areas have been declared to be in a State of Calamity.

3. Torrential floods that came within a span of only six hours, but were equivalent to an entire month’s worth of rain.

4. As of Wednesday (numbers according to the NDCC):

Affected Persons: 2, 254, 915

Reported dead: 246

Missing: 42

Cost of damages in Infrastructure: 1.6 Billion Pesos = 23 MILLION EURO
Cost of damages in AGRICULTURE: 3.2 Billion Pesos = 46 MILLION EURO

TOTAL cost of damages: 4.8 Billion Pesos = 69 MILLION EURO

We need all the help we can get. The Philippines don't have that money.


///YOU CAN HELP.///


Friends outside the Philippines have been asking me how they could help, thank you to everyone.

Here's how to donate from abroad:

DONATE ONLINE NOW!


1) Philippine Red Cross through PayPal:

Send money to their official paypal address: give@redcross.org.ph.

2) Philippine Red Cross with your credit card:

http://www.redcross.org.ph/Site/PNRC/Default.aspx?S=48&SS=972

3) Philippine Red Cross through Text Power (also Paypal):

http://www.txtpower.org/2009/09/philippines-help-typhoon-victims-in-luzon-philippines/

4) UNICEF Philippines, with your credit card:

http://www.unicef.org/philippines/index.html

5) Thomson Reuters will match the total amount donated by October 16:

http://www.trust.org/trust.org/page/files/philippinestyphoon2009.html

6) If you have a US/ Canadian credit card, UNICEF USA will match the total amount donated by Oct 6:

https://secure.unicefusa.org/site/Donation2?df_id=5960&5960.donation=form1

DONATE IN CASH OR IN KIND!

Just scroll down for your particular country. Click NOW:

http://moongirl.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/donating-to-manila-from-abroad/

///MY WORDS.///


And if you show me that you have donated, just comment on this note and I will write you a short poem. Maybe a haiku, depends on how many will help out. :) But I promise you, I will write you one. I was thinking of what I could do, being so far away physically, but I realized I have an army of friends all over the world and I have my words. We could help out in our own ways, so let's do this together. Distance (or a super typhoon) is nothing but the echo of seagulls in this ocean of hope, remember?

I love you Marikina, I love you Philippines. Keep your head up!

And don't be afraid. As a friend said, live life meaningfully, never in fear. We're living in a string of uncertainties, still it's true: there is a light that never goes out. There is a light in us that never goes out, and love and hope conquers all. ALL.


Love,
Angel

/// always and forevermore

phoenix - rome (neighbours with devendra banhart remix)

always and forevermore i call to say i'm on the way 2000 years remained in the trash can let burn the cigarette somewhere ashes till it fall fall falls

the world is drowning. didn't you know that hope dies last? it is utmost cruelty to kill it. especially for someone who only runs entirely on hope. the thinnest line between being honest and being heartless.

people are dying. my city is underwater. at sobrang madaya ka.

/// right now.

/// 24-25

She’ll be gone soon, you can have me for yourself
She’ll be gone soon, you can have me for yourself
But do, just give me today
Or you will just scare me away

What we build is bigger than the sum of two
What we build is bigger than the sum of two
But somewhere I lost count of my own
But somehow I must find it alone

24 and blooming like the fields of May
25 and yearning for a ticket out
Dreams burn, but its ashes are gold
Dreams burn, but its ashes are gold

/// 24-25. Kings of Convenience.

/// i was not there

that infinite view, that infinite moment.




elves. grabe. :(






aaaaaaaaaah :(

/// why i am called julianlove

this is going to be phenomenal. this is going to heal all wounds. i love you too, i'm hanging on jules!

/// 1:11

/// fluorescent adolescent

/// magic happens

and then, you.

/// blackbird

/// movie night

/// a huge hole

/// ___

this doesn't make sense.
and i don't believe it.

/// could you run into, could you run into me?

Imagine running across a wheat field as fast as you can. Imagine your friend running towards you as fast as possible.
/// Yoko Ono

/// coco

/// there is a holiness to the heart's affections

/// !!!

EITHER MAGAWA MO TO
OR
GANITO KA NALANG PALAGI

/// hej baby

Kings of Convenience, Stockholm concert sold out right under my nose.
But I'm still going to see them... in LUND!

/// the wind and the sun

Once the Wind and the Sun came to have a quarrel. Either of them claimed to be a stronger. At last they agreed to have a trial of strength.

"Here comes a traveller. Let us see who can strip him of his cloak," said the Sun.

The Wind agreed and chose to have the first turn. He blew in the hardest possible way. As a result , the traveller wrapped his cloak even more tightly around him.

Then it was the turn of the Sun. At first he shone very gently. So, the traveller loosened his cloak from his neck.

The Sun went on shining brighter and brighter. The traveller felt hot. Before long he took off his cloak and put it in his bag.

/// the embassy

I listened to Belle and Sebastian's Act of the Apostle I while going to work today. It was my first day as an intern at the Embassy. The Diplomatic Corps. "Ohhh, if I could make sense of it all. I wish that I could sing, I'd stay in the melody. I would float along in my everlasting song." Out of nowhere, the most blessed view: walking from Slussen to Gamla Stan at 9:28 a.m. The sun reflecting on the lake, the boats quietly gliding by. People holding coffee and morning papers, gracefully rushing across the bridge, the water from the sea flowing through the lock (SLUSSEN) to the lake, gushing, running, moving.

I was suddenly aware of where I am, and what I've done. I'm in Sweden, I'm standing by my favorite view of the water and the sun, I'm on my way to the Embassy.  These were all past dreams, but I'm standing on top of them nonetheless, right? Angel, you are stronger than you think you are.

You can break through these emotions, you can go through it alone even if it hurts, you can find new dreams and you will be there and you will be happy. Will love find you even if you just stand still?  Chuck Bass stood outside his limo and said, "You are right."

/// angel-angel-1-2

can-you-can-you-hear-me? 

:)

///postcards from stockholm

/// i shine along underneath your view

Have me to you
I shine along underneath your view
I'll be the one
To let you know when you've come undone

/// k

sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba? sigurado ka ba?

naisip ko, ok narin yung ganito. hintayin nalang natin na sigurado na siya. kaysa yung half-loved diba? pati isipin nalang natin, training to. parang hinahanda natin yung sarili natin for that one great love. hinahanda natin yung sarili natin para sa isa't isa. napanood ko sa me you and everyone we know, "maybe i needed that. 70 years of life, to be able to be ready for a woman like her." pati sabi ni joseba, "the best things are always the hardest." mahal kita! papatibayin ko sarili ko para sayo! para pagdating ng araw na yun, handa na tayo.

ps
yung "hard" sa tagalog pareho! matibay at mahirap! ang galing!

/// oh if you find yourself for once a lonely one...

Only when the goal is unattainable
Do I start to feel like I'm losing myself
And this deep secret
that hasn't come out yet
is buried, down deep
with the rest

I can't coerce you into this one
Jealousy lay all your spells to bed
I'll choose long-loved instead

If only songs we're sung
To guide the doubtful ones
Beyond the rough
where not as much is good enough
Oh if you find yourself
for once a lonely one
I'll be waiting here with open arms

I can't coerce you into this one
Jealousy lay all your spells to bed
I'll choose long-loved instead

/// little joy - unattainable

/// investments

"that jerome! i invested in him! i gave him starbuck's pastries! i gave him a giordano t-shirt!"

-peter

hahaha! i love you peter!

/// next time around

everything, you, spain. <3

/// universitetet

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

/// William Blake

/// mary garden

Mary Garden as Mélisande in Pelléas et Mélisande (Debussy). 

Opera, you and me. High ceilings, soaring violins and cellos, the solitary flute, the celesta, tears, your shoulder. I long for the day when we will see it together again.

/// my sailormate

you and me. i remember watching this over and over and dancing all over my room in bilbao while dressing up in the morning. "i wanted to control it!" then i would run to the bathroom and say good morning to my flatmates. "but love, i couldn't hold it!" then back to my bedroom. i was on my way to the library, and i knew i was going to see you again. :) the bus going to deusto, the walk towards the library, the stairs to the second floor, the rows and rows of white desks, and the familiar tuff of blond hair sticking out in the back row. :) oh love, i couldn't hold it.

/// telefonplan

whoever thought i would live in telefonplan? 

thorildsplan, a pizza place, broken social scene, tears. i suddenly felt what you must feel. and the loneliness.

and the love. of brushing teeth and silly faces and kiddie porn and neck ties and zara pants and eurocrats. 

it's a hard parade, just be courageous. 

/// the salmon will find the sea

close your eyes my child,

and dream

that perfect dream 

inside your head

/// the sweetest thing

i'm going on a date tonight 
to try to fall out of love with you 
i know, I know this is a crime 
but I don't know what else to do 

my love, you're in a magazine 
my love, you're doing fine, you're on TV 
you pull my heart out and then you run away 
from Chicago to Cleveland you leave me pain 
you leave me pain 

when you're lucid you're the sweetest thing 
i would trade my mother to hear you sing 
when you're lucid you're the sweetest thing 
i would trade my mother 

on the bus radio, "Fifty ways to leave your lover alone" 
i laughed at the irony 
but life is stupid, the irony all lost on me 
it got lost on me 

when you're lucid you're the sweetest thing 
i would trade my mother to hear you sing 
when you're lucid you're the sweetest thing 
i would trade my mother 

you challenged me to write a love song 
here it is, I think I got it wrong 
i focused on the negative 
the pain was too much to write and sing 
oh, it was not a nice incentive 

when you're lucid you're the sweetest thing 
i would trade my other to hear you sing 
when you're lucid you're the sweetest thing 
i would trade my other to hear you sing 

but she don't know just how far I'd go 
would I walk for a hundred miles 
for an instant northern smile?

/// let's play a game

b and i took a walk today. he was in vienna, i was in stockholm. 

we listened to:

open the door

 in my lady's house

homesick

arms

 lasso

and 

1901

a call to apathy

pulling our weight

breaker breaker 1-2