/// la historia oficial

It's like someone spilled a beer all over the atmosphere, says Jens Lekman. I don't like beer, but I think I know what he means. Maybe it's like spilling Coke or Julmust or Vodka Sprites all over the sky. Mmmmm I miss being that way. 

Today is a very heavy day. I woke up feeling like it's the end of the world... because I dreamt it. Aliens that I couldn't see, cars falling from the sky filled with dead people, shifting sands, chaos, my family... When I woke up, my lip was bleeding and I could see two small holes on it. I was biting my lip in my sleep, it seemed. I was so scared.

Then we saw La Historia Oficial in Brad's Latin America literature class today. It was so emotional and so terrible, I ended up crying inside the classroom. Brad was crying too. 

Every little thing annoys me, I can't sleep at night (Because I could hear my roommate Skyping and every time I do, I just want to knock on her door and smack her on the face because I couldn't concentrate on anything else. It's her voice. But really, am I abnormal? How could just a sound of someone's voice annoy one so much?). It doesn't help that almost everyone around me has negative vibes too. Except B who is like sunshine to me. Everyday now is just another day to suffer, no suffer is too much, maybe... tiisin. Oo tiisin. Tinitiis ko nalang, which suck cocks because I should be enjoying myself. Tinitiis ko nalang hanggang makauwi ako. 

How did things end up this way? I never expected this, and obviously, I never planned this. I am a happy person.

 

I have turned into a big ball of anxiety. But deep inside I know, I am still a sky-full of Cokes. Love is still in the core of it all. OF IT ALL. Please let me find it, Aslan. 

/// there is a place

Eva's mouth smiled, but her eyes were sad.

'We'll see each other again,' she said 'It will take a few years, that's all. Don't be afraid.'

...

The world was empty again.

I believe.

There is a place where happiness exists. A place, and a time.

- Handling the Undead, John Ajvide Lindqvist

///

ito yata yung pinakamabigat na libro na binasa ko. GRAVE!!!

/// this is all, this is all.

///All I want is to hold your hand
All along I was never in doubt
To see the sun and to walk the sand///

3:29

grabe sobrang ganda talaga ng kanta na to, kinilabutan ako. ILYJ!

/// chinese restaurant

you were listening to mew the same time i was listening to it last night. i love you, j. may my love for you never betray itself. and may you come back soon. 

/// the millenium guide to sthlm

///dear k, hejsan! this is for you! it took me like three days to put up the photos because blogspot is weird in uploading, i wanted it to be in order, but they mess it up and i can't make it right anymore, i wanted it to be really chronological step by step corner by corner but i'll just do my best! ///

///remember when we read that article in the local, i think a year ago, about the pharmacies carrying sex toys? they really did it!!! hahaha ang saya.///

///nasta slussen. okay i didn't start the day-long photo trip here, but let's just start here. where a lot of things happened in my mind, in reality, in february and the future.  i think slussen is really the center of the world. take the red line towards zinkensdamm! ///

/// just like a ghost. ///

/// this is how it looks like when you exit, to the right there are the escalators. ///

/// go up the escalators! cuteness. ///

/// the first thing you see when you exit the metro. ///

/// what you see when you turn to your left, that's where you're supposed to walk! towards lundagatan, where lisbeth lives and to skinnarviksparken, one of my favorite parks, and the sukho thai take-away stall. mmmm. ///

/// how the exit looks like. ///

/// walking. ///

/// skinnarviksparken. ///

/// lundagatan! where lisbeth lives. where babs lived too. heart. ///

/// lundagatan. ///

/// upper lundagatan. ///

/// when you walk all the length of lundagatan, you'll get to hogalidskyrkan, a nice church. ///

/// near the church is the t-bana hornstull station. ///

/// okej, we're jumping back near slussen now. this is in gotgatan, the fashown street, in sodermalm. this is mikael blomqvist's office! above monki (a nice clothes shop!) and greenpeace! ///

/// gotgatan style! ///

/// gotta love gotgatan. ///

/// 10/10 gotgatan style. funny slicked-back hair, check. skinny jeans, check. white sneakers, check. ray-bans, check. attitude, check. ///

/// still gotgatan! ///

/// still. ///

/// yes! ///

/// bawal magkabit ng posters pero marami paring posters lagi. ///

/// and now, a 360 degree view of slussen! ///

/// nasta, true love. ///

/// dito yung will you kiss me moment. haha <3 style="text-align: center;">

/// madami pa pero tinamad na ko. haha! next time! kram! ///

/// so this is your beach

/// love in such a way that it frees you from any connecting. 

love is the soul's light, the taste of morning, 

no me, no we, no claim of being.

 -rumi ///

/// sunday

/// your beach, my beach. /// someone's cat. /// your theater, my theater. ///

/// the girl with the dragon tattoo

today. woke up, transcribed, thai lunch at zinkensdam, windy. my feet took me to tantolunden, finally. after months of wanting to go there. what was i waiting for? i always remember you talking about tanto, and how there's a "beach" there. so tanto has always been your park. i looked for the water, and i saw the sparkling diamonds. so this is johan's beach. pictures of lovely strangers, biking, funny dogs. seagulls. a friendly old lady. of course, of course, why not?

kaffe latte and vacuum cleaners, reading lindqvist. ultimately, it is about love. walking to hornstull, listening to shout out louds. centralen, ahlens, buying a gift for me. bus to sofia, discovering new streets, a new thai take-away in vita, the boy standing beside me, why won't you smile? the gazebo! finding a friendly cat in ljusterogatan.

home, announcing A's, morale booster. nothing more has to be said, everything has been said, written down, analyzed, exhausted. now, nothing is left but to help yourself, go through it. no thinking anymore. no more asking others. sagutin mo mga tanong mo, alam mo na yun.

and also realizing that he might be scared.

mgmt's future reflections, 20:00, katarina bangata, how fitting. going to victoria, your movie theater, to watch män som hatar kvinnor, excited, light heart. why not? lisbeth and mikael. <3 the familiar streets. THESE streets! and walking out the cinema to THAT world. THIS world!

PUBLIC A-NNOUNCEMENT!

Attention one and all!!! Naka-A ako!!! Ang galing ko talaga!!!

/// today

talked with my mom, with my best friend, claudia, anja, jay-ar. being like alex (imagination, kung fu people), following my heart. svenska institutet finally, such a beautiful office and such nice people who understand my love for this place and this music and this everything. i can't believe what i think and what i believe in, is real! it always surprises me and fills me with awe when my seemingly insane theories are actually facts, straight from experts. i tell you, (my life thesis) there really is something good in this place, something that the world will learn from. and also, the magic and goodness is in all of us, is IN me too.

finding john ajvide lindqvist's handling the undead in english finally, sitting outside a cafe in skanegatan reading, kaffe latte and chocolate cake and getting dizzy because the book was so scary but the day was so beautiful and it kind of tore me apart in a good way. and then "love without romance" and finding it in the book and suddenly texting babs to go out in the sun and meet me. someday, love. who knows what the future will bring?

cleaning the apartment, meeting "your father" to fix L's bank thingy, getting a lovely email.

i sat on the couch here in my favorite apartment in the whole world and collapsed into the thought that i am doing what i love, that there is a truth in my love for sweden, and that i will be fine. tears, and dancing to jj's my life, my swag.

tomorrow, record store day and more good things.

/// remember: you are not alone!

/// emilie emilie mon amie! walking back and forth katarina bangata, getting pizzas and strawberries at ICA, singing kids going to lilla hotellbaren. seeing montt mardie!!! highschool drama love, set sail! the christmas lights that turned on all of a sudden! click click. the cosmic moment with the boy with the trumpet. i love you annie. remember, you are not alone! ///

/// running into people

/// i ran into a bunch of funny people yesterday! i met isak and johan from speedmarket avenue at glasbruket to ask some questions for my paper. "we don't have straight answers!" "it's about a dream-like state!" such nice people. and then parted ways and i decided out of instinct to walk towards slussen, and then i saw a very familiar blue coat: it was musse again! haha he said he's beginning to become scared of it. we've been running into each other almost everyday in the city. summer, MGMT, wishing, if you say you'll be here, then you'll be here. then running to wayne's coffee because that's the place i know with a free toilet. then seeing carl, then seeing the spanish and german people in gotgatan! it means: you are never alone! like emilie said! then going to cityterminalen to pick up my pink-haired favorite french: emilie! (next post)///