Bakasyon Goodbye and Angels

I will write and write and write until i have purged this sadness and anxiety and irrational fears out of my system. :-) Yes? Yes!

One week to go. No, six days. Until I fly away to Goettingen and pursue my dreams. And live life on my own. I thought I had a lot of time but when this week turned around the corner, the minutes and hours just kept flying by. And all my fears and anxieties are getting to me, and I don't know exactly when things turned around and suddenly we are all dreading the 22nd. :s

I guess it is just normal. This is my dream. The one I've been dreaming of half my life. To live in Europe. I have never expected all these conflicting feelings. I will miss my mother, I will miss Kitsie, I will miss my friends. I never really thought about it this way and it scares me.

I will be diving into the great unknown.

But there is always light.

I went to the beach last weekend with my best friends. I will never be alone with friends like these, even if they are miles away. We swam on the stormy sea, dancing in the rain. The pictures looked sad even if we were smiling. Justin went into our room and surprised me with a stuffed toy dog (Peanut). I hugged him. I gave Biyo the crocodile stuffed toy I bought for him in Ikea. We ate endless chocolates, peanuts, Doritos, Coke Lights, the best pan de sal in the whole world. We sang karaoke with a shocked Shannon. Mikael threw a one night only burlesk show.

The girls, drunk with fruit flavored vodkas, hitting the boys' bums with branches floating on the sea. Before heading back for dinner, we closed our eyes and made a wish before throwing the branches to the ocean. I stood there a longwhile, eyes squeezed shut, the branch over my heart. When I opened my eyes, they were already walking back to the house. I threw my branch (the blue and grey sea listen to my heart) and off I go.

There was a blackout and the boys started telling ghost stories. Candlelight and kurant Sprites. The talk turned to angels, and how human beings never realize how powerful they are. How we are only waist-high, standing next to them. And the story of the African assassin and the prayers that saved a man's life. Mikael told me that I will never be alone. And I realized that it is true.

"You've always been a dreamer and like a true elf, sail off to worlds bigger and better. Live your dreams to the fullest and never let them go. Whatever happens always remember that if you put your mind to it and hold fast things always turn out fine. So have a great time and always remember that you will always have BG to come home to." he wrote on my notebook.

I will always remember the story of the African assassin and the seven priests. I will always remember the truth that is: I AM NEVER ALONE. With friends like these, it is not so hard to believe in angels. In waking life, in dreaming life, in far-off places or just right beside me.