picnic love

                                           
today was my farewell picnic. it didn't rain! i felt so loved. all my closest friends came. jihan, trisha, grake, kitsie, mike, chappy, bituin, diana, ziggy, marvi, selena, kathy, edwina, patty, sheryl, kai, chino, iocis, izzy, michelle, joseph, iya and biyo! they gave me gifts and brought all my favorite food! i have never seen that much coca cola in a party before, a ratio of one-liter per person maybe! mernels cake, shoppersville malacanang roll, remy's puto, chicken, angel's tuna pasta by kitsie, pan de manila with lily's peanut butter, chocochip cookies, pie, empanada, baci chocolates, sbarro white cheese pizza, kopi roti, a cooler full of grape juice! <3>

it feels so hard and so weird to be saying goodbye, everything is so overwhelming, but maybe it's also something inside me telling me that this is not really goodbye. just vi ses igen. see you again.

i finished packing tonight. i only have one luggage for clothes and one small stroller for my things. it feels really sad tonight... i am trying to be brave.

bituin's heart shaped letter. of love and courage of the people who love me here, of a carl jung connection that will span oceans, of energies strong enough to protect me from darkness.

musse said, it would really be weird if i'm not scared. j also said a similar thing, that of course i would be scared shitless, i am about to go on the biggest adventure of my life. but the anxiety and the fear are promises of better things to come: of happiness that is waiting for me. the other side of these feelings. duino elegies, angels.

and bryan's letter. if your heart doesn't break, then something must be wrong. don't give up sunbeams to hide from the gales.

and my heart: split seagull seconds. distance is nothing but the echoes of seagulls to this ocean of hope.