last night in the tore for now.

i have never felt so scared and so anxious and so sad in my entire life. i have learned (without even leaving yet) that good byes are the hardest things i have ever known. 

and love, the greatest. i believe in that, and i think that will pull me through.

mami and i went to sta. clara today, krung thai dinner with mami, les, zig, chappy and bituin. hang out at the tore, they borrowed my books, we laughed at our old pictures, me crying suddenly while kitsie was on the phone with les. sabi ni ziggy, isipin ko nalang mahabang bakasyon yan.

i really never expected this, this fear. aaaaahhhhhhh 

the opposite of it, the opposite of it. promises of good things to come, happiness. sunbeams and gales, angelic orders. love circling the globe like a satellite, a force field to shield you from darkness. never alone, never apart. angels two times your size, always beside you.

just get on the plane! just get on that plane.

tonight is the last night for now that i will sleep in my beloved tore. i will miss you. vi ses igen!