/// gold in the air of summer

i want to remember these moments forever.

i just said no goodbyes to L and AJustice a few minutes ago at slussen, by the sybylla. it was snowing, the ground was all white there were two humongous police (f***a polis!) horses on the square. "did you like your party?" asked L. "is it easier now to leave sweden?" asked A.

i loved every second of it, the see-you-later at hjärtats in bellmansgatan (not bishops arms!) with L, Ajustice, Eliza, Martin and his friend Anders (Angel). they taught me some nice swedish words like f***a and i have managed to make thirty or so combinations of that word with other nice words which made all of them burst out laughing. you have to wash your mouth with soap young lady! ghost horse the doll that i got for L was sleeping on the table, with candle light and a tissue paper blanket. kings of convenience was playing when L and I stepped in the bar. kosmik! the knife's pass this on. we will never be luttrad! eliza and i talked about experiencing things in three different moments, and being melancholy in the moment. how i am always sad about things ending and how its hard for me to just be happy in the moment. how i want to get through that and how we should just follow calle's advice (best advice ever): CHILL THE F*** OUT!

focus on the positive things. remember EVERYTHING good that has happened to you here, keep it in your heart, it will always be yours.

so i say this to fear, chilla! f***a! hahaha i know, it's so easy to say to chilla, but so much harder to do. so i guess what can help is to remember the good things instead.

no one else loves this place more than i do, i said to anders.

i loved EVERY SECOND of stockholm. the whole of february. the golden times of christmas and new year. the beginning which was summer. it will never be easy to leave sweden, but knowing i have friends here and that someone (everyone and the city and slussen and medis and sofo and st eriksplan and every street and everyone!) would be waiting for me, makes it a whole lot easier, yes.

these are yours! this afternoon, listening to eluvium at calle's cribz, riding it out. fika at odengatan. brownies and nasty words and silly pictures and slow-mo and vanadislunden and estuaries i could and i would. life after credits, katarina bangata and L, pizza at ringvagen, s:t eriksplan, the countless coffee shops, ghost horse, veggie burgers, brunch at cafe string, skanegatan, sofo, colored pens, ben and jerry's ice cream, sound of arrows, debaser medis, odengatan, musse, the corridor at stockholm uni, coke and the afterlife, nk and childhood memories, sad day for puppets bomb shelter magic rehearsals and slussen. fasching and dancing, hiphop and timbuktu, vampire lounge and apologies. the crossing from mcdonald's to medis. libraries and surprise text messages. thursday and uppsala. kings of convenience cosmic moments. kladdkaka and coffee. cafe soda and comic books. frozen lakes and cracking ice. frozen lakes and sun surprise. the tunnelbana from slussen to gamla stan and the view in between. the sky outside hjartats tonight and powdery snowball fights. walking along hornsgatan with ice-white streets. bellmansgatan with joham. mental pictures and two minutes. gomorra and victoria. water faucet and ica tootbrushes. mosebacke number 9 and coca cola signs. spinach pancakes and vasterbron bridge. snus hidden in turn ups. and many more.

the northern star is always there, and so is this city. moments exist everywhere and they are waiting for me. but now, i have these moments, and they will always have me.

we WILL shine like gold in the air summer.