/// last night, debaser.

The Sound of Arrows - M.A.G.I.C. (Mini-video) from The Sound of Arrows on Vimeo.

welcome home!

TODAY

...IS THE DAY THAT I WILL FINISH MY CULTURES IN EUROPE PAPER.

POSITIVE THINKING!!!

AND TOMORROW?

I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW!!! :)

/// enlightenment=mc squared

from deus:

"out of clutter, find simplicity. from discord, find harmony. in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." — albert einstein

/// lo-fi love

21.07.2007

jowill's rosemary chicken dinner and rubbing alcohol night.

i miss you kritzzzie!

/// ikea autobahn love 2

/// born to multiply 

born to gaze into night skies

all you want is one more

saturday///

/// ikea autobahn love

christine, her friend scott and i went to ikea kassel today. it was me and christine's first roadtrip in germany. i made a quick mixtape for the car trip, just choosing songs and putting it in shuffle mode before burning the cd:

ikea autobahn love 25.01.2009
everything will change

01 the postal service - clark gable
02 cats on fire - higher grounds
03 stars - look up
04 the radio dept. - where damage isn't already done
05 vampire weekend - a-punk
06 belle and sebastian - the model
07 markus krunegård - se på mig nu, vad tycker du?
08 le futur pompiste - seeds
09 the shins- australia
10 secondhand furniture - nice try sunshine
11 those dancing days - run run
12 belle and sebastian - like dylan in the movies
13 the postal service - brand new colony
14 belle and sebastian - wrapped up in books
15 i'm from barcelona - we're from barcelona
16 markus krunegård - jag är en vampyr
17 i'm from barcelona - the painter
18 el perro del mar - happiness won me over
19 talking heads - this must be the place (naive melody)


and it was magical. the songs were perfect for each moment. (and perfect length too, we played half going there and half going back, ending with "this must be the place" when we returned to gottingen. haha.)

during the postal service's brand new colony it suddenly and finally came, without any effort:
GERMANY.

at that moment, riding at the backseat of a car racing down the autobahn at 180 km/h, i finally understood what this place means to me. i have been giving this place a chance and denying it at the same time ever since i came here. but i realized it was really simple. i am here by fate, so that i will meet these people. i love christine, i love anja, i love claudia, i even love scott even if i have just met him! why am i even trying to force myself to love a place, when it is clearly not the way it is supposed to be. of course it is the people that makes a place worthwhile. why do i always remind myself of the things that i don't like about german culture: rules, criticism, straight lines and stiffness when it is really not what is worth remembering or what the real germany is all about, really. 

germany is:

finding myself in the autobahn for the first time, a big surprise! (is this THE autobahn?!) lovely music, lovely conversations
dancing to mgmt's kids in a small living room, enjoying yourself and taking only what you need from it
anja knocking on my front door the moment when i needed someone the most
the kindness of surpervisors "there are worse things than dutch people getting mad at you. those dutch, eh?"
riding trains to hamburg with christine
watching bang gang from the balcony of prinzen bar, chandeliers and projected lights
listening to fleet foxes with philip, on the train to hanover
crying in coffee shops because of love
whale drawings, filipino chocolates and hugs in the middle of platz der gottinger sieben
claudia and movies and meatballs
felix, his favorite spot in hamburg and sharing secrets and high fives outside am turm
mika and swedish lessons during walks between our classes
moby dick and mr. stein
chocolate croissants and chocolate milk
and finding (and keeping) friends.

it has always been, and will always be about sweden, i know. but that doesn't mean that this experience is not worth anything. it was worth it. germany, you are tough but i have found your heart even if you really made an effort to hide it.

everything will change.

so good bye germany.* i hope we never see each other again. i didn't mean that in a bad way as i have already explained, it's just the way it is when your heart has already been carted away to the north.

*real, technical good bye is on february 26.

/// chicken burgers

working at the wiso (staring at the laptop screen, taking long snack breaks, drinking chocolate milk all day) all day won't do you any good.
mmm but mc donald's after a long day at the library is always good.
mmm chicken burgers with spicy sauce.
mmm french fries/pommes.
mmm large coke.
and walking home with critical claudia with snowflakes falling from the sky.
ein-zwei-polizei.
die polizei dein freund und helfe.

"but they have to do something possible for you first."
"hmm yeah."
"they haven't done anything so far, right?"
"hmm no, so far... I have made it all possible."

/// summer winter

It's summer weather in Göttingen today!!! Can you believe it? Sun's out, blue skies, I went outside the Wiso to buy my favoooorite chocolate drink (Kakao Drink haha), walked across to the Cafe Campus wearing only my thin sweater! And my father's amber Ray Bans that remind me of Adrian Brody in Darjeeling Ltd. Haha I love you sun!



Okej, I will work now. Listening to Cats on Fire's Higher Grounds to keep me going. Stockholm and you in my mind! :)

/// you are the light!

a very very very good day today.

woke up feeling sad but managed to get up and go outside. i talked to frau e. and was really surprised when she told me: you have strong pieces inside of you. someone i really like also said almost the same thing to me.

a surprise email in the morning!

meeting B outside the VG to give him his whale drawing and choco crunchies. this is unreal! oh this hurts! and laughing all the time. talking about trips to kalmar when he was 12, systembolaget, stanford and sweden dreams, "in the end i'll find out you're one of the smart ones", "pressing our thumbs" for stanford and sweden, those serious germans, skipping moby. in case i don't see you, i will always remember you whenever i open my book. a long handshake, a great big hug in the middle of platz der gottinger sieben. you weigh nothing! you're so tall! no goodbyes. see you later!

drinking milchkaffee alone, really happy, standing on one of the stone benches facing the square, watching the sunset.

reading L's email at the wiso with a great big smile on my face. it's always like christmas whenever i hear from him. <3

sitting next to emilie at the wiso, sneaking into this mathboy's laptop and typing in her address at googlemaps. hahaha! those boring germans!

hanging out with christine and jia, buying belle and sebastian merchandise, giving away my clothes and shoes. i am so happy jia loves them! dancing to jens lekman's you are the light.

i love you!

/// yesterday and today

postcards and sweden's second biggest fire august strindberg to keep me company.

working at the wiso library.

sebastian and his stuffed toys.

/// i'm happy as things are

" I believe in something, I don't quite know what."

It is generally agreed that Sweden is one of the most secularized countries in western Europe, in the sense that small percentages of the population adhere to the Christian faith or attend public worship. The material from the Uppsala survey of world-views and value systems in Sweden also indicates that most Swedes are, at best, moderately interested in questions concerning religion (Hamberg, 1989: 60-62, 73-74). On the other hand, available data show that Swedes, living in the modern welfare state, are on average more happy and satisfied with their lives than are Europeans in general (Pettersson, 1988: 108-13). The possibility of a connection between these facts has been suggested (Pettersson, 1990). While the material used here can neither confirm nor disprove the existence of such a connection, this possibility may merit further research, as suggested by the answer of one of the respondents:

"I'm not seeking in any way, I'm happy and harmonious as things are. My life does not need improving. (If the situation were different, it is not quite inconceivable that I might turn to religion, if I were not happy, or something.) (Woman, born in 1948.)

- Eva M. Hamberg / Studies in the Prevalence of Religious Beliefs and Religious Practice in Contemporary Sweden, Uppsala 1990

///

grabe talaga dun no. nakahanap na naman ako ng isa pang connection to my life thesis na meron talagang something magical whatever that is happening there. yung welfare state - creativity dynamic. ngayon naman: welfare state - contentment in life - no need for religion. grabe no, naiimagine niyo ba kung gaano kasaya mga tao dun? hindi ko rin madescribe e, pero pag andun ako i can feel it. in the way they act, they talk, in the way they talk about their passions and interests, the way they LIVE. kahit sinasabi ng ibang tao, hindi ako biased, i swear. something's going on in that country. something really good.

/// the rest is coming

in between alingsås and stockholm
in between christmas and the new year
in between rooms, in between days
the rest is coming.

/// where are you from?

///someone at simone's good bye party last saturday asked me where i am from.
i answered without blinking an eye: stockholm.///

/// enjoy yourself take only what you need from it

this is what happens thirty seconds before a really fantastic time:

what happened after:

dancing to mgmt's kids, arms raised up in the air, dim lights, bottles on the table, the feeling that i don't need to worry about anything, it's just this song and the electric synths punctuating the air, the words flowing out of me ENJOY YOURSELF TAKE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED FROM IT. we are young, we are kids. four minutes of !!! it doesn't matter where you came from, or what you're thinking of, or what you want to happen. "oh, i love this song" whispered one after the other and then suddenly snap you got it, you get up and you are in this one moment with everyone else and you understood each other. 

it's always magic for me, how music brings the world in one place.

/// psl med jenny och jane : like dylan in the movies

pick up that guitar and do the thing that you've always wanted to do all your life.

let go of your worries.

this is me and christine today, and i think this video would make me cry when i watch it back, a few months from now, when i am in a different place, a different time. winter in goettingen, not exactly the best time of my life but there are beautiful moments to look back to like today's:

breakfasts at christine's - drinking coca cola in wine glasses, iced tea, cornflakes, bread with quark, tea. listening to records with her. what a comfort just to sink down to your favorite songs with someone. today it was the shins. the shins and painting walls white! asian take out noodles. watching PSL videos and falling in love with stockholm all over again. crying to tigermilk's story, just because it's so beautiful and it reminds me of you. it can only get better and it will! there will be guitars involved and dormant dreams are going to come true.

we are going to make the most out of the remaining days in goettingen. we will be happy! and then it would be good bye to this town of ski jackets, zero creativity and fraternity boys. 

/// mika's first time

///you never forget your first SKYPE! 

haha!///

/// hold on to the things that make you happy

long day.

good things:

moby dick class is always good. sharing chocolate crunchies with my seatmates, benjamin especially liking it. he's the only one i know in europe who appreciates filipino chocolates! he asked if i will still be there next week, he wanted me to draw him a whale. i always draw these cartoon whales on our attendance sheets, i loved seeing my classmates faces light up whenever the sheet reaches them. i will miss this class so much. so strange how i got so attached to this class. 

having fika with mika at cafe central, if vendo machine coffee counts as fika. us shouting "chilla! softa! drinka en ka-fe lat-te!" in a stockholm accent while walking across snowy platz der gottinger sieben on our way to moby dick class. i will miss walking to classes with mika.

 

getting done with eurocompetence class, having our final group presentation. a nice critic on my presentation skills: i like how you smile to the audience, it will help you. and i like how your eyes smile.

walking towards mensa am turm with felix to get our bikes, shouting "hej då eurocompetence!", giving high fives to each other. he told me a secret. 

hold on to the things that make you happy.

/// tekniska hogskola mornings

mornings in wintry stockholm: waking up at 11 am, looking out the window and seeing the sun. in this place, the sun is always shining, it doesn't matter if it's the darkest day of the year (yes, i was there!). and every morning is always filled with melancholy hope. getting up smiling, a bit dazed like waking up from a good dream, and infinitely, infinitely, infinitely better because i am waking up TO my greatest dream: living here. listening to amiina and secondhand furniture while preparing breakfast/brunch: ICA cornflakes and milk in cute graphically-designed milk cartons. or sometimes i will just go to don corleone's at the corner to have hawaii pizza. hawaii, not hawaiian. dressing up, red travel pass in my coat pocket, walking down the stairs, looking out the window overlooking valhallvägen. this is the place. walking to the tunnelbana or to bus 53. living my life.

early morning thoughts: what shall i do today? will i see him? does he like me?

/// jan stenmark

ohhh!!! <3

galago 48, page 40

de dansar tätt, tätt tillsammans...

...och han är just på väg att säga att han älskar henne, när det plötsligt slår honom...

Han ska ju dö igen på måndag!

Då begraver han sitt ansikte i hennes hår, dör där, så ar det gjort.

/// de dansar tätt, tätt tillsammans...

28.12

meeting L at medis. seeing you walking out the tunnelbana exit. (i always wonder how it's going to be like whenever meeting people: will you see me first? or will i see you?) how are you? cold. i'm wearing the wrong shoes. coffee and hot chocolate at pierot (ritorno-pierot-merci, that's how it's going to be!). yellow lights, a table by the door. can i sit beside you? exchanging christmas presents. comic books for me, a moleskine and my heart for you. translating klas kat blir glad. no holes! and a sad four-panel comic about a man dying on monday. somehow, i knew at that moment, that that page was something important. taking a step back, holding on to something good. the bookstore, my first ever english-swedish dictionary, picking up your hat on the floor, a hug after every sweet thing. i wrote a letter that night, listening to camera obscura.

/// memory capsule: odenplan

03.01



the tunnelbana to odenplan with L to meet musse and zandra. we walked to a cafe and had fika: a coke fika actually. i had lasagna and coke, L had some pasta salad, zandra had some pasta also and coke, musse just had coke as always. :) we talked about the time musse pushed markus in the tunnelbana, finding niklas stromstedt and pouring beer over him, making music videos. we made a list of our favorite sodas. i had two number ones, L had two lists, musse had sublists for cola (that is not coca cola). it's very complicated to rank sodas.

on our way out, an old man sitting near the window asked them in swedish if i was from germany. i was so surprised! i took it as a good sign. musse said it was probably the superior, third reich-y aura emanating from me. :) haha i like that!

i hugged musse outside the cafe. just like everytime we part, not saying goodbye. just like we were going to see each other again the next weekend. that's our rule: no goodbye's. just hej hej's. i watched him and zandra walk away, snow falling from the 4pm sky. he put his arms around her and huddled close. i felt a bit sad seeing him go, knowing it will be a long time before i see him again. i squeezed L's hand.

/// he-airplanes

i taught felix some swedish words today! he wrote them down on small index cards, swedish on one side, german on the other. i kept on telling him that "hon" is "she" and not "han". he wrote "han" three times before it finally registered. haha he made small paper airplanes from the ripped up "han" index pieces and gave them to me.

he said, "airplanes to take you to sweden."

///memory capsule: australia

31.12

i was listening to australia by the shins on the tunnelbana, on my way to meet L. i'm happy and this song is just perfect for everything that is happening. the metro voiceover says, "nasta slussen" and i smile. :) and then just before R and I got down at medborgarplatsen, i saw these huge posters of the movie AUSTRALIA pass by the train windows. it was pure magic.

///22.12 like dylan in the movies

the train from blackeberg to hötorget, the promise of good things to come. listening to belle and sebastian's like dylan in the movies and the model. 

L and I went to the movies and saw låt den rätte komma in in the big screen! i was so excited to see my favorite movie, in stockholm, just when i got back from blackeberg, and with him! :)

laughing at oskar's swimming face, walking out to silver christmas lights above us and empty pedestrian streets, the subway to tekniska. knocking morse code on the door, snabb makaroner, a tub of SIA vanilla ice cream, sad day for puppets and the radio dept., telling him about germany, showing my old sweden notebook, dream-like mornings, rushing to the bus station, breakfast at an internet cafe, "this is so travelly!", the moon still outside, tarot cards, inner strength, everyone wants to take you in. 

///22.12 punching down two guys

22.12

i met martin again! it was so good to see his shaggy owen wilson self again, snubbing people giving out ads in central saying "we're not from here, sorry!" haha. we looked for veggie burgers at max but ended up at the "evil empire" of mc donalds because they have mc bean there (i told you so, L! :). we walked until stureplan to have fika at cafe saturnus. pictures of people through buses and train windows. he told me how he once took a picture of himself crying. he said, why do we always take pictures of ourselves smiling? he told me about the girl he fell in love with, a short and bittersweet three weeks, and how he was sad when she left.

why do people need to be apart?

he made me promise to whistle belle and sebastian's dylan in the movies for him when i get to blackeburg station. the walls there are perfect for whistling, he said.

i walked fast in stureplan, excited and tired and felt the promise the night holds me. and of love, the kind we're dreaming of. walking down rain-drenched sidewalks, yellow and white night lights, fancy shops, the cold air. i felt the promise of good things to come. 

i rode the train to blackeberg to meet musse. it was so good to see him again. old friend. he was wearing a big funny blue coat because he didn't want to catch a cold before christmas. i missed his quick anxious movements, his big blue eyes, his snappy one-liners and his old fancy way of speaking and hand guestures. he showed me his flat: it was so him! cosy, 50's style all IKEA, decorated to the core in christmas things, pinks, purples, blues, reds, candies, chocolates, JULMUST!!!

he asked me about germany. i told him about how i wondered if my love for Sweden will change and if i will hate it someday. he said no. he thinks that only happens to the kind of people who get tired of their girlfriends or boyfriends. it will change, but in a good way. like what christine said, my love for it is so great, it wouldn't disappear but only change. which musse said is good, because it would be really strange if it didn't.

right now i can feel it changing. it's so strange whenever people ask me seriously: when are you moving here? i have never, ever thought of it that way. that it can be REAL, something that could actually happen. before, the goal was only to get here. but now, there are talks of rents, apartments, dates, months, specific jobs. and people actually believe that i can do it. and they WANT to help me.

like L said, everyone wants to take you in. i really loved how he said that, and how it makes sense. everyone wants to take you in, Sweden wants you here. how even new people that I meet can feel how much i love this place and wants me to make it. helping me find internships and saying: it's no problem. i'm sure it will be easy. it WILL be easy. not even: you can do it. but: you WILL do it.

and how musse explained to me how it really is easier. how hard can it be? looking at my track record: going to Sweden for the first time on my own, getting the scholarship, going to Germany, surviving Germany, finishing (Ich will!) the first semester. it's like asking me to beat down this one guy when i have already beaten down two guys. so how hard can it be?

perceived and real. it's always other people who can see what you are capable of doing, what you really are. they believe that i can really do it, that it will happen soon. petter asked me if i'm ready to move by next month, and i was shocked by how real and how soon and how concrete that question was. can you move in by january? my friend has an empty apartment in stockholm. angel, can you move in soon? and it's always ourselves who are our own worst critic. but now, here they all are, taking me in. 

answer it: when can you move in?

///21.12 vanadislunden

21.12

i went to the park near where i live and thought: this was just like last summer. the sun, the sky. how could one place be so beautiful? i saw a man standing by a lamp post, just standing there for a long time, looking at the city, looking at the sun. this is the place, there is no doubt about it.

at NK's top floor, a jazz band was playing. for a split second i felt the christmas in the ending notes of a trumpet solo. 

at wayne's in götgatan, i had some varm choklad with marshmallows while "reading" dagens nyheter. for dinner, it was the usual: snabb makaroner with felix ketchup and köttbullar. YUM!

///20.12 soul!

20.12

i went shopping. the end.

no hahaha! after shopping, i met L at s:t eriksplan and softa'd (SOFTA! CHILLA!) at E's friend's place. drunken talk about riding horses in chile, vodka cocktails, watching their gymnasium videos on a big screen and listening to Y2k songs on youtube. waiting for tonight, kylie minogue, beautiful stranger and swedish hiphop. yes!

going to soul at fasching. walking to central, crossing the square outside the clarion sign, lining up, F meeting us there. the music was amazing, and the dancing even better! walking up the escalators in central because someone pushed the emergency button. seeing my favorite tunnelbana artwork again since summer: the blue vines crisscrossing the walls. good times!  

///19.12 short but sweet

19.12.2008

i got up to a beautiful, grey morning with amiina playing in the background. it was perfect. i was looking at the window and i felt that something was about to happen. L made me some tea. he had to run to finish his essay. i remember his red scarf. F fixed some breakfast: christmas porridge with cinnamon, christmas bread, ham, cheese, jam.

i moved into C's cribz at tekniska högskolan that afternoon. swedish tv, feeling right at home, groceries at ICA roslagstull, and the pizza place across it! i had hawaiian pizza. on the table beside me, a boy was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. he was looking out the window, crying. he was 13, maybe 14. his friend gave him some coke, but he wouldnt touch it. the pizza came but he was just sitting there, head buried in his arms, crying.

i met L and his friend AJustice at medborgarplatsen, we walked along hornsgatan, not really knowing where to go or what to do. we ended up taking the tunnelbana to hötorget, had turkish burgers and falafels at hötorsalen. language geekiness and religion. then we had coffee at s:t eriksplan at ritorno. red walls, mirrors, chandeliers, coffee cups, a dala horse gingerbread cookie. i think it's my favorite place in the world now.

/// BEGIN.

18.12.2008

i looked out the airplane window and saw a sign from a financial group advertisement: MAKE IT HAPPEN. it feels good to be back, home. i bought a 25-, coca cola and took the flygbussarna from arlanda to the city. i was listening to jose gonzalez's heartbeats on repeat and my eyes were misting over from all i am seeing and feeling. electric lines, the winter sun slipping between pine trees and fields and low rooftops. it is always a mystery for me, how just one place could make me feel these things. i will love this place forever, i know it.

i met C at coffeecup for the keys. the tree in the middle of centralen was tinkling like a music box. christmas. it was so good to see C again. we had coffee and varm choklad at wayne's, he drew some stuff on my notebook again (as always!), maps and blueprints to roslagsbacken, talked about love and being taken for granted. i thought about how swedes don't really talk about their feelings and if you find yourself becoming a swede's friend, you will be his/her friend for life.

i met F at NK's bookstore where he works. he hasn't changed a bit! he's still lovely, happy old F with his loud, booming voice, pretty hair and bossy demeanor. hahaha :-) i was going to surf his and L's place at skanstull. he made snabb makaroner with ketchup, meatballs and peas. we talked about australia and leaving people and it made me wonder about the love of our lives and why we love them.

then i met L. i opened the door to his own apartment for him. i have long decided that i will be his friend just because he listens to the radio dept. when F told me about him. but i never thought that i will like him this much the moment i met him. i guess there are just people who goes straight to your heart automatically.  we encircled SOFO on my map, talked about postpost. 

that night, i couldn't sleep one bit (well, a few minutes but i dreamt of zombies). i think i know the reason why.

/// winter lighthouse memories

what we have are memories. and the promise of new beginnings. we are in between days, and until then i have these to hold on to. nothing can take these away from me, not fears, not uncertainty, not death, nothing. these memories of winter in stockholm will be mine, in my heart forever and it will be my lighthouse.

by the way, i just found out that classes doesn't start until wednesday. HAHA mr. stein said, are you looking forward to end the semester with a BANG! i'll do it. so i arrived a couple of days early. but it's okay, i have time to adjust from dreamland to deutschland and to write down everything that has happened. i don't want to forget anything. so i'm giving myself these couple of days to never betray the way it's been. :-) and will always be!

///

BEGIN.

/// sweden's biggest fire and sweden's biggest noise

i just got back last night. everything still feels like a dream and the jesus and mary chain's just like honey is playing over and over in my head. 

right now i am surrounded by the things of the past two weeks. my passport on the floor. L's comic books and shirt beside the bed. a half-eaten marabou chocolate bar on the desk. talking heads, electric god and tsp cds beside the laptop. my unpacked suitcase with my dirty clothes. cheap monday jeans, monki sweaters. 5 kronor coins, receipts from ICA roslagstull and viking bar. the postcard that i sent to myself last week, a time capsule of new beginnings. amiina, talking heads, the shins and detektivbyrån playing on the background.

there is snow outside and since i've arrived four strangers have smiled at me. i don't feel threatened here anymore. suddenly: things, people, the language doesn't cut as much as before. it seemed like everything has softer edges now. look at what you've done. :) and it's only been a day. 

i miss you. i promised not to think of you too much, and i will try. the days will make it better, i guess. years are short but the days are long.

you said i have great things inside of me. now is the time to find out. now is the time to be brave(r). 

/// this must be the place

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong... nothing.

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up and say goodnight... say goodnight.

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this is where I'll be... where I'll be.

/// today will be perfect.

and it was.

if ever there is something that i will take forever into my heart: it is this day. this day will make me brave, and when i go back, i will be able to face anything.

because we woke up early and had the perfect "better than hotels" breakfast at cafe sirap. we had blueberry pancakes, eggs, bacon for me, salad for you. coffee, because we are swedes. and you held my hand and you told me that i could stay.

because we walked high up to observatory hill and "hold your glass up, hold it in. never betray the way you've always known it is!" flew out of your hands and landed on the grass below us. and because of summer.

because of s:t eriksgatan and the funny elevator which speaks like a metro stop voiceover. because our fears and our beliefs and because love (for me) and beauty (for you) will always conquer death. because there is one truth and we could find it.

because of the street art below the bridge that we crossed ("i want to cross bridges! i want to see the water!") and because of my sticker that says GELEO WAS HERE!

because of the 5 SEK records that we bought in that obscure record shop under the bridge, because of that moment at the staircase, because of talking heads.

because of your pesto spinach pasta, svenSKA records and time flying fast (it's 19:48!). 

because we danced to cats on fire's "higher grounds" (my favorite) together at the very front of debaser medis' stage and you carried me up in the air towards the end of the song, while everyone was clapping. "i am so happy." 

because of the laser green lights criss-crossing your face when we were dancing to "in between days".

because we were in between rooms and in between days.

because i won our bet: there IS a vegetarian burger at mc donald's! the evil empire is not so evil after all. it has mc bean. haha!

because you told me that you had no doubts about me being able to do what i need to do, and because you told me that it is just one punch.

because there is summer, because there is finland. 

today is the perfect day. and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that... will be as well. because of today. 

happy new year you're my only vice, L!

/// happy new year you're my only vice!

HOLD YOUR GLASS UP.

HOLD IT IN!

NEVER BETRAY THE WAY YOU'VE ALWAYS KNOWN IT IS!