i met martin again! it was so good to see his shaggy owen wilson self again, snubbing people giving out ads in central saying "we're not from here, sorry!" haha. we looked for veggie burgers at max but ended up at the "evil empire" of mc donalds because they have mc bean there (i told you so, L! :). we walked until stureplan to have fika at cafe saturnus. pictures of people through buses and train windows. he told me how he once took a picture of himself crying. he said, why do we always take pictures of ourselves smiling? he told me about the girl he fell in love with, a short and bittersweet three weeks, and how he was sad when she left.
why do people need to be apart?
he made me promise to whistle belle and sebastian's dylan in the movies for him when i get to blackeburg station. the walls there are perfect for whistling, he said.
i walked fast in stureplan, excited and tired and felt the promise the night holds me. and of love, the kind we're dreaming of. walking down rain-drenched sidewalks, yellow and white night lights, fancy shops, the cold air. i felt the promise of good things to come.
i rode the train to blackeberg to meet musse. it was so good to see him again. old friend. he was wearing a big funny blue coat because he didn't want to catch a cold before christmas. i missed his quick anxious movements, his big blue eyes, his snappy one-liners and his old fancy way of speaking and hand guestures. he showed me his flat: it was so him! cosy, 50's style all IKEA, decorated to the core in christmas things, pinks, purples, blues, reds, candies, chocolates, JULMUST!!!
he asked me about germany. i told him about how i wondered if my love for Sweden will change and if i will hate it someday. he said no. he thinks that only happens to the kind of people who get tired of their girlfriends or boyfriends. it will change, but in a good way. like what christine said, my love for it is so great, it wouldn't disappear but only change. which musse said is good, because it would be really strange if it didn't.
right now i can feel it changing. it's so strange whenever people ask me seriously: when are you moving here? i have never, ever thought of it that way. that it can be REAL, something that could actually happen. before, the goal was only to get here. but now, there are talks of rents, apartments, dates, months, specific jobs. and people actually believe that i can do it. and they WANT to help me.
like L said, everyone wants to take you in. i really loved how he said that, and how it makes sense. everyone wants to take you in, Sweden wants you here. how even new people that I meet can feel how much i love this place and wants me to make it. helping me find internships and saying: it's no problem. i'm sure it will be easy. it WILL be easy. not even: you can do it. but: you WILL do it.
and how musse explained to me how it really is easier. how hard can it be? looking at my track record: going to Sweden for the first time on my own, getting the scholarship, going to Germany, surviving Germany, finishing (Ich will!) the first semester. it's like asking me to beat down this one guy when i have already beaten down two guys. so how hard can it be?
perceived and real. it's always other people who can see what you are capable of doing, what you really are. they believe that i can really do it, that it will happen soon. petter asked me if i'm ready to move by next month, and i was shocked by how real and how soon and how concrete that question was. can you move in by january? my friend has an empty apartment in stockholm. angel, can you move in soon? and it's always ourselves who are our own worst critic. but now, here they all are, taking me in.
i rode the train to blackeberg to meet musse. it was so good to see him again. old friend. he was wearing a big funny blue coat because he didn't want to catch a cold before christmas. i missed his quick anxious movements, his big blue eyes, his snappy one-liners and his old fancy way of speaking and hand guestures. he showed me his flat: it was so him! cosy, 50's style all IKEA, decorated to the core in christmas things, pinks, purples, blues, reds, candies, chocolates, JULMUST!!!
he asked me about germany. i told him about how i wondered if my love for Sweden will change and if i will hate it someday. he said no. he thinks that only happens to the kind of people who get tired of their girlfriends or boyfriends. it will change, but in a good way. like what christine said, my love for it is so great, it wouldn't disappear but only change. which musse said is good, because it would be really strange if it didn't.
right now i can feel it changing. it's so strange whenever people ask me seriously: when are you moving here? i have never, ever thought of it that way. that it can be REAL, something that could actually happen. before, the goal was only to get here. but now, there are talks of rents, apartments, dates, months, specific jobs. and people actually believe that i can do it. and they WANT to help me.
like L said, everyone wants to take you in. i really loved how he said that, and how it makes sense. everyone wants to take you in, Sweden wants you here. how even new people that I meet can feel how much i love this place and wants me to make it. helping me find internships and saying: it's no problem. i'm sure it will be easy. it WILL be easy. not even: you can do it. but: you WILL do it.
and how musse explained to me how it really is easier. how hard can it be? looking at my track record: going to Sweden for the first time on my own, getting the scholarship, going to Germany, surviving Germany, finishing (Ich will!) the first semester. it's like asking me to beat down this one guy when i have already beaten down two guys. so how hard can it be?
perceived and real. it's always other people who can see what you are capable of doing, what you really are. they believe that i can really do it, that it will happen soon. petter asked me if i'm ready to move by next month, and i was shocked by how real and how soon and how concrete that question was. can you move in by january? my friend has an empty apartment in stockholm. angel, can you move in soon? and it's always ourselves who are our own worst critic. but now, here they all are, taking me in.
answer it: when can you move in?
1 comment:
ang ganda nito, gel, lalo na yung last paragraph. tayo lang talaga ang pumipigil sa sarili natin. siguro dahil sa takot.. takot magsimula, takot magkamali.. pero isa lang masasabi ko dyan.. WHAT ANGEL WANTS, ANGEL GETS! :-) i miss you!
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